I am very caught up in the idea of cycles, and much of it has to do with the natural rhythms of my life from season-to-season…although becoming a Kemetic didn’t help at all! The fact that everything is a cycle in Kemeticism – Day and Night mirror the Duat which mirrors the cycle of the year, etc. – fills me with squishy and lovely feelings and makes me wish I had better calendar foo!
(Fortunately, my religious community is filled with those who are better at CALENDAR than I.)
When I mention the rhythms of my life, and season-to-season, I’m not actually talking about the standard changes of the year – Winter to Spring to Summer to Autumn to Winter and so-on. I mean the changes that occur within my brain and body on a regular cycle – apathy to ecstasy, illness to health, wakefulness to constant sleep. If locked in a space with no windows or doors and no natural light I could still (probably) calculate the passing of time accurately based on how I cycle. I wax and wane, gain and lose interests, have epic health problems only to bounce back…and it repeats and repeats and repeats until I am bloody well sick of it.
For example, my season of insomnia just ended. It is something that happens to me in the first quarter of every new year, usually beginning around the middle of February and ending in the middle or end of March. I just cannot stay asleep regardless of sleep hygiene, medications, or other aids. I fall asleep, but then about three hours in wake every 30 minutes for the rest of the night, falling into real sleep again around 5:30 AM. And then…the alarm goes off, because there are things to do. At times, I try to schedule naps during the season of insomnia but they neither hinder or help – sleeping during the day works fine, but at night it is the same year after year and has been since I was a child. Once the season of insomnia is complete, however, I sleep just fine.
(I have other sleep issues too that aren’t cyclical, but I won’t get into them here.)
The season of insomnia usually overlaps (at the beginning) with epic sinus buggery in which I have massive facial and head pain, epic drip, and congestion in my head and ears that moves down to my lungs and then back up again over and over. It’s viral (or so we think), so antibiotics do nothing, and I end up dosing myself silly with inhalers and antihistamines and decongestants and cough suppressants and throat lozenges until it, too, decides to go away. I then get a 4-6 week break before my season allergies kick in. Yay!
As for other personal seasons…well, how about (in no particular order): chronically overheated and without energy, wind-up-my-tail, family angst, DO ALL THE THINGS, DON’T do all the things, nesting, and WHY WON’T YOU STAY IN YOUR BOX??? to name a few?
Why am I writing about this for The Cauldron Blog Project? Well first, the topic for March involved cycles. Second, all of these cycles I go through affect my ability to do the religious things I set out for myself – honoring my gods and ancestors, self-care, interaction with others, promotion of community, etc. Hell, during some of my seasons it is amazing I even make it over to the forums or to chat to interact with my religious community…and that seems to be the one thing I can reliably do with a spoon shortage.
I do expect that, with time and a lot more work in therapy, some of these cycles will disappear and some others will shorten. I don’t think I’ll ever rid myself of them completely, nor do I think I’ll ever be one of those people who moves with the rhythm of the Earth or other things I’ve heard about. And, you know what?