Rage is one of my reds. I’ve written about it before, and will probably continue to write about it since it’s an essential part of me. A lot of my FlameKeeper work involves managing my monsters, and so I feed and fuck my rage like I do with all of them.
To embrace a monster means giving it what it needs so it comes out at appropriate times. When my rage appears, and I’m ready for it, I can usually take the time to wrap myself around it, to bathe in it, to luxuriate in the feeling before gently letting go. Sometimes, because I’ve worked on it for quite a while, even if I’m not ready I can still manage to handle my rage without allowing it to explode all over the place. Explosion all over the place usually means that someone besides me is going to be affected, and that leads to the need for reconciliation.
Reconciliation is harder for me than you may think. I hold grudges much as I’d like not to. I have an overwhelming sense of being right much of the time, and that makes it hard for me to let go when someone is clearly wrong! Hell, it makes it hard for me to let go in any situation and so I’ve actually had to train myself to do it.
( Yes. Not all of us learn the same social skills growing up.)
Here’s what I do:
- Deal with the rage. There’s no point in me trying to reconcile if I still can’t see clearly because of the red in front of my eyes. I need to take time to manage and regroup before doing anything else.
- Think about what happened, all the way through, from start to finish. I do this over and over until I can view it without having a massive reaction in my belly, and without taking sides.
- Consider what the other person did/said that triggered my rage. Did they know I have that as a trigger? Was it deliberate, or just a poor choice of words/action? Is the behavior out of the ordinary or typical? Are they doing the best they can?
- Own my mistakes. What did I say/do that might have hurt the other person before rage happened? What did I do/say during rage for which I need to make amends?
- Contact the person/people. Own what I did, and apologize where needed. Accept that they have a point of view that may differ from mine. Agree to disagree, if applicable, and recognize that their best might not equate to my own best.
- Let it go and move on. Really. No bringing it up later, no dwelling on what might have been. Holding a grudge is not conducive to reconciliation, and reconciliation isn’t complete unless moving on is done.
Reconciliation is difficult, and it only works when people are committed to really understanding one another and wanting a relationship to work. Since we’re all Divine, it makes sense to me to try to get along with the other pieces of the Universe and to reconcile after those times when I’ve been unable to temper my rage.
The question is, dear reader, does it make sense to you? What are you going to do about it?
- Do you have rage? What triggers it?
- Is reconciliation difficult for you? Is it something you practice?
- What are you holding on to that needs to be let go?