We are all Divine…and we’re still human. This means we often don’t know in which way to go or where to turn and we find ourselves in that Dark Night of the Soul written about by St. John of the Cross.
When this happens to me, I end up doing what I call “bumbling along”. That is, I do the minimal things which, for me, involve trying to uphold the concept of ma’at (Kemetic concept)/improvement (FlameKeeping concept) in my daily life. I stop most prayers, most offerings, and all formal ritual. Hell, sometimes I even end up stopping things that most people consider activities of daily living (ADLs) – purposefully exercising, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, getting dressed beyond throwing on sweats. I never stop completely, even though the baby steps I end up taking can be so small and so slow that it appears I’m not moving at all.
(I always shower or bathe every day – but that’s more of a comforting thing for me. What’s better than lovely hot water? It also means that, even in my sweats, I smell nicely.)
FlameKeeping is big on baby steps, especially when it comes to looking at how overwhelming it can be to nourish our Flames. Those of us with chronic spoon shortage can have trouble doing this; the Bright Flame goes by the wayside as we’re unable to interact with other people and we’re left staring into our Dark Flame and wondering if we can leave things alone…
But, we can’t. (Or, rather, I can’t. Some people may have a different response.) I can get down to the bumbling along stage where I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving inch by inch…but I don’t go completely stagnant because I truly believe that stagnancy is death. I make myself do something and, if nothing else, I can concentrate on those tiny things to ensure that, even if they appear to be happening by rote, there’s some thought and intent behind them.
It may seem ridiculous to some to think of there being intent behind the brushing of teeth, or the combing of hair, or the making sure a cardboard container from lunch goes into the recycle bin. It may seem like rote action with no purpose, no meaning, and no movement…and that’s fine, for them. For me, there’s meaning in all of my actions and whether anyone else sees it isn’t my problem.
That, to me, is the essence of my life as a FlameKeeper: even while bumbling along, what I do has meaning. What I do has purpose. And, I daresay, if you cannot find the purpose and meaning in the things you’re doing, well, you may not be looking in the right places.