Bumbling Along

We are all Divine…and we’re still human. This means we often don’t know in which way to go or where to turn and we find ourselves in that Dark Night of the Soul written about by St. John of the Cross.

When this happens to me, I end up doing what I call “bumbling along”.  That is, I do the minimal things which, for me, involve trying to uphold the concept of ma’at (Kemetic concept)/improvement (FlameKeeping concept) in my daily life.  I stop most prayers, most offerings, and all formal ritual.  Hell, sometimes I even end up stopping things that most people consider activities of daily living (ADLs) – purposefully exercising, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, getting dressed beyond throwing on sweats.  I never stop completely, even though the baby steps I end up taking can be so small and so slow that it appears I’m not moving at all.

(I always shower or bathe every day – but that’s more of a comforting thing for me.  What’s better than lovely hot water?  It also means that, even in my sweats, I smell nicely.)

FlameKeeping is big on baby steps, especially when it comes to looking at how overwhelming it can be to nourish our Flames.  Those of us with chronic spoon shortage can have trouble doing this; the Bright Flame goes by the wayside as we’re unable to interact with other people and we’re left staring into our Dark Flame and wondering if we can leave things alone…

But, we can’t.  (Or, rather, I can’t. Some people may have a different response.)  I can get down to the bumbling along stage where I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving inch by inch…but I don’t go completely stagnant because I truly believe that stagnancy is death.  I make myself do something and, if nothing else, I can concentrate on those tiny things to ensure that, even if they appear to be happening by rote, there’s some thought and intent behind them.

It may seem ridiculous to some to think of there being intent behind the brushing of teeth, or the combing of hair, or the making sure a cardboard container from lunch goes into the recycle bin.  It may seem like rote action with no purpose, no meaning, and no movement…and that’s fine, for them.  For me, there’s meaning in all of my actions and whether anyone else sees it isn’t my problem.

That, to me, is the essence of my life as a FlameKeeper: even while bumbling along, what I do has meaning.  What I do has purpose.  And, I daresay, if you cannot find the purpose and meaning in the things you’re doing, well, you may not be looking in the right places.


3 responses to “Bumbling Along

  1. Your Bumbling Along is what I call Fallow Time. I’m in the middle of one of those periods, actually. I always try to do at least *something* every day that helps keep things together. Like you, teeth are one of the first things that I forget to bother with when I get like this. My house is one the last things- because for me, a messy house just drives me mentally into the crapper. I think this post goes back to something that I like to harp on a lot of people about- and that’s knowing *why* you do something. Its not good enough (for me) to just do something to do something- you should have a reason for why you do what you do, and should attempt to be aware of the reason why (generally speaking).

    • Exactly! I have a really hard time with the idea of doing things without having some sort of intent behind it. Now, sometimes that intent can be misconstrued by others (*wink*) but it doesn’t mean there isn’t something there.

  2. I never had a term for this stage, but I like yours! I have my days where even basic things that normally are easy for me (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc) become these huge tasks that I have to push myself to get through. But, like you, I still do them! Because like you said, I also believe stagnancy is death. I have a hard time thinking of doing anything without having some kind intent behind it.

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