It’s the little things that tick me off.
It’s ironic, really – in an attempt to maneuver away from major freakouts about big religious stuff I’m now finding myself focusing in on small stupidities. A misspelt word here, a random phrase beginning with “All X do…” and my raving lunatic impression kicks in. I’ve been known to go off for days just based on seeing yet another person write “diety”, or talk about how being a pagan means revering nature, or…or…OR! It’s exhausting at times and I know people look at me in horror sometimes and think, “Okaaaay, if she’s reacting like that to THIS THING how can she possibly hold up under THIS MUCH BIGGER THING???”
Funnily enough, the outpouring of words and emotion that comes from my reacting to little things actually seems to be helping me remain calm when the large things attack – when my spiritual foundations are rocked, or when mystic-crap-that’s-hard-to-describe occurs, or when godspeak takes the wind out of my sails. The ability to communicate is extremely important to me and, even when I can’t necessarily communicate about BIG.THING.HAPPENED.OH.MY.GODS. I can communicate about “stupid little thing that’s pissing me off.” It helps keep me centered when I have a tiny storm going on…because I don’t feel the need to try and control the larger things. I can let them play out as they will, accompanied by minor whimpering rather than epic screaming.
(I guess this is where I insert “Don’t try this at home”?)